I'm starting to unravel a little bit - and I'm okay with that. Part of being a mom is being sensitive. Allowing yourself tears, frustration, and hurt.

Over the past 2 weeks we've started seeing some pretty clear indications that our little Charlotte has MPI. If you've followed our blog or know us personally you'll know that our son, Zachary, got diagnosed with MPI (Milk Protein Intolerance) at 7 months old. If you don't know us or read my blog regularly, here's a quick re-cap.

It took many Doctors, Allergists, and Specialists to help us figure out what was going on with our son. He screamed all day and all night, he had blood in his stools, and spit up A LOT. It was the hardest thing we've ever been through - watching our son in so much pain and not knowing "why" for many many long days and nights. After months of watching him suffer, we were told he had a disease called Milk Protein Intolerance. This is a generic term to say that his body can't break down the proteins that make up food. He basically couldn't digest on his own and it was excruciating to try. After months of altering my diet to try to figure out what specific foods were causing the pain I had to give up breastfeeding because we learned it was ALL foods that caused pain. We put him on a special formula which helped a lot, but we had to slowly introduce solid foods and figure out if his body could digest them by trial and error. It took months to figure out a small list of simple fruits and vegetables that he could eat. It seemed like a lifetime but Zachary outgrew the disease at 17 months old. 

So we are starting to see little signs that our Charlotte has this same disease. We have felt completely defeated by the idea of walking this same path again. Even though we know what to do now, we are devastated that we have to do it. But there is a huge exception to Charlotte's case that we are holding on to....
She is SO happy!! 

I am so grateful for a baby who smiles and relaxes and stays calm in my arms, and nurses comfortably, and SLEEPS! Every bloody diaper breaks my heart, and every smile from her puts it back together. 

My husband and I are trying so hard to hold out hope that this all will pass and that I'll be able to breastfeed out daughter, but I still have moments of being weak and sensitive. I am learning that God gifted me with fragility. I don't have to conquer everything, I can be blessed in my weakness. 

Right now I have taken dairy and soy completely out of my diet. But we are still seeing bloody diapers. I was told not to alter my diet beyond that as it is not healthy for me or my baby. We basically know what we are in for so it's not worth trying to find other foods that might help solve the blood. Charlotte goes back to the Pediatrician on the 21st and we'll figure out how to proceed then. My hope is, that as long as she stays happy, we can continue to nurse... and my prayer is mostly that she stays happy.