A Boy Named Zachary

As a new Mother, my idea of love has changed drastically. I've never known such an unselfish feeling.

When I look at my son, my world collapses. He becomes everything and everything else becomes nothing.

His life has changed mine. His heart has captured mine. His joy has become mine.

Before I was a mother, I could not possibly comprehend the beauty of this love that fills, overflows, and breaks my heart all at the very same moment.

I often wonder how God could have this amount of love for me? I am so unworthy. But the fact is, He does. Zachary and I sing "Jesus Loves Me" just about every day. Such an ancient jingle that carries so much truth.

Last week Nathaniel was on a business trip overnight which left Zachary and me alone to do bath time, story time, prayer time, and bed time. I was rocking Zachary and in those few moments of us being alone, before he fell asleep, I started to tell him how I love him. I tried to explain to him the capacity of my love but found that there are no words. Nothing that can come even close in comparison. So before I put him to bed I promised that I would spend his life using every possible way (besides words) to tell him that I love him. I committed to make my love for him surrounding and engrained in his being. So that no matter what he faces in life or how far he is away from me, he will always know that I am on his side. That I love him and am here for him.

I can't hear God tell me that he loves me, but proof of His love is all around me. I find it in the warm sun, in silent moments of peace, in a new pair of shoes, in a warm meal, in a good book, in warm chocolate, in the colors of spring, in gummy worms, in a good conversation with friends, in my wonderful husband, and in a boy named Zachary.

God doesn't use words for love, because for His love, there are no words. I pray, that I can live my life in a way that honors that and reproduces it for my son.