A lot has changed...


I'm here to explain why I've been MIA for the past few weeks:

My days at home with Zachary have come to an end. It's been a bit of a whirlwind around here lately; At the beginning of May I got offered a promotion which, naturally, was very exciting for me. However, it meant that I had to give up my days at home and go back to work 4 days a week. This change meant putting Zachary in Daycare, something I have had anxiety about since he was born.

I had less than a week to decide if I was going to take the job or not and once I did accept the position I started within a matter of days. A lot of prayer and thought went into this decision which is a whole nother blog.

But, like I said, it's been a whirlwind. I've been back at work for exactly 2 weeks now and we're all adjusting to what my friend Kathy calls "our new 'normal'" I have cried myself to sleep many nights since making the decision to go back, and I'm still not positive it's the right decision, but we're trying it out to see how it goes.

As my career advances, I realize how much pride and self-fulfillment I had started getting out of Motherhood. It was rewarding for me to have dinner on the table when Nathaniel got home, to be on top of laundry and most of my household duty's. To get to teach Zachary new things and to get to know him so intimately. I really feel like being a Mom and being a Wife have become so much more important to me than anything in the world. Now that I'm working it feels like I've lost a huge part of myself. I've lost something that makes me feel so full, which, naturally, makes me feel empty.

I hope that as time goes on I will feel better about my decision, but I'm not there yet. Being home with Zachary all the time is still fresh in my mind, I still know what I'm missing. But, maybe once we get readjusted I'll forget what all that is like and I'll just be thankful for the time I DO have with him, instead of missing the time I did have.

I can honestly say though, that Zachary LOVES Daycare. He is very happy there and we are blessed by a wonderful Daycare provider. I say this every single day - if he wasn't where he is, I couldn't do this. I have so much trust in his caretaker and I am actually very relaxed about leaving him with her. For a parent to trust you with their child is the ultimate compliment. So Dana - if you are reading this - YOU ARE AMAZING. Thank you for taking such good care of our boy! On a side-note, it's beyond incredible for us that we can actually leave him somewhere and not worry about him screaming all day. We've sure come a long ways.

The day after Zachary turned 11 months he took off walking and hasn't stopped. He is now trying to run everywhere and refuses to crawl. He nods his head "yes" and shakes it "no". He claps and squeals when he's excited and he's completely obsessed with cords and shoelaces. He wakes up in the morning waving "bye - bye" because he wants to go to Daycare. We have FIVE foods approved and are working on that list every week. The first weekend in June we will trial dairy which should be a giant test in how well he's doing. If he passes dairy, there probably will be very few foods that he can't tolerate. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but he's doing so well that I pray we are able to get dairy approved without any issues. 

I've spent a lot of time upset about him not getting to eat cake on his first birthday. I actually have left birthday parties early and avoided seeing other baby's enjoy their first bite of cake knowing that Zachary can't experience that. It probably sounds overly sensitive on my part but we're still processing this all as best as we can. When you spend 9 months of pregnancy praying for a healthy baby you mostly assume you will get one. We didn't have time to prepare for going through MPI and no one is telling us how to navigate it. We don't know how we are supposed to feel through it all so we're protecting ourselves as best as we can. I decided to do something a little different for his party, which should be a wonderful distraction (for all of us) from the fact that he won't get to eat cake with everyone.

Beyond MPI Zachary is the happiest, busiest, most normal little boy. He loves dirt and bugs and squishing food between his fingers and grunting and tooting and burping. He is SUCH a people person, he smiles at everyone and has so much love in his heart. I am proud to announce that he caught the attention of at least 6 women today at the grocery store. All of which were over the age of 60 and all of which stopped to talk to us. What a stud!

Well, I hate to cut this short but I have to pack us up and get us ready for tomorrow so I better get going. Thank you for still following our blog, for still loving us, praying for us, and supporting us. We are, as always, very blessed. A lot has changed in our schedule, but nothing has changed in our hearts.

I'll leave you with some updated pictures and promise to post again soon.

The boys took me to Washington Park for my first Mother's Day

Zachary found so many new things to point at

We finally got an updated family picture (I can't even remember our last one)

Silly Bug

Enjoying our beautiful backyard on a nice day

I get about 3 pictures in before he starts going for the camera

Thank you Caren Howard for the Soccer Ball - Zachary LOVES it


  1. Congrats on the promotion! I am dreading the day I go back to work. I went to daycare as a child and never felt like my mom missed out although I'm sure she did. Happy 1st Birthday to your sweet boy!


Post a Comment